What Does It Mean to Be a Trusted Adult?

Young people face many challenges as they grow up, including physical changes, behavioral shifts, and increased social pressure to conform to peer expectations. Educational demands also increase over the years, requiring more academic focus to be successful.

In addition to these natural transitions, adolescents constantly consume information from social media and technology. While these platforms offer opportunities to learn and connect with others, they can lead to information overload, amplify feelings of stress or anxiety, and create openings for bullying and peer victimization.

These experiences can impact a young person’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Providing guidance, resources, and understanding throughout students’ academic careers helps them build resiliency and social skills.

A Network of Support

Ideally, the recommended student-​to-counselor ratio in a school is less than 250:1, but many schools have ratios of 400 to 500 students per counselor. Thus, school counselors must rely on a network of supportive adults to ensure comprehensive student care. We refer to these adults as “trusted”—people to whom a young person might turn for help in a time of need. Trusted adults might include parents, teachers, coaches, and even cafeteria workers.

Access to trusted adults in a school helps connect students to a supportive network, even when mental health services might be limited. When these supports are available, students tend to make better choices and are less inclined to engage in high-risk behaviors. Having a trusted adult can also reduce adverse outcomes from bullying or peer victimization.

But what does it take to be an effective, trusted adult? Here are several key competencies a trusted adult should possess or receive training in to fulfill their role effectively:

Active, Mindful Listening

This form of listening goes beyond understanding the words another person is speaking. Active, mindful listening requires the listener to concentrate on the speaker and nonjudgmentally attend to what is being said while being aware of how their presence influences the conversation. Active, mindful listening involves two approaches:

Nonverbal communication. A trusted adult must be aware of nonverbal signals to create an environment in which students feel heard and valued. Adults should position themselves in a manner that communicates focus and openness—for example, sitting across from the student without physical barriers rather than behind a desk. The adult should show attentiveness by maintaining eye contact, using a posture that leans toward the student, and mirroring the student’s body language. Such nonverbal cues signal empathy and engagement.

Verbal communication. Effective verbal communication is integral to making students feel supported and understood. One technique is paraphrasing or restating the student’s words to confirm understanding, show empathy, and help them feel heard and validated. For example, if a student says, “Every time my friend is around her other friends, she makes fun of me, calls me names, and basically ignores me,” a trusted adult might paraphrase, “It sounds like when your friend is with her other friends, she acts in ways that hurt and exclude you.”

Another communication technique is open-ended
questioning, which encourages students to share more. Open-ended questions help gain insights into the student’s perspective and foster in-depth communication. They often start with “how,” “what,” or “who” and attempt to tap into a deeper understanding of the student’s issues. For example, “What emotions did you experience when this happened?”

Building Rapport

Rapport is the connection between teachers and students based on understanding and mutual respect—the foundation of a meaningful relationship. When rapport is strong, students more readily approach trusted adults regarding issues impacting their mental health. Building rapport goes beyond addressing isolated issues with students and focuses on overall well-being.

Rapport develops over time through consistent, sincere interactions that show interest in the student’s life. Adults might ask students about hobbies, interests, and daily activities. Simple gestures, including greeting students daily with affirmations such as “I’m glad you came to school today,” show students they are seen and valued. Students are unlikely to open up without a personal connection, and rapport creates a solid foundation for communication.

Problem-Solving

A trusted adult guides students through the problem-solving process. In this context, the trusted adult acts as more than a listener to help the student identify their own solutions. The adult goes beyond asking, “What do you think you should do about this?” and gives the student a series of logical problem-​solving steps, empowering them and building self-confidence. There are five steps to teaching effective problem-solving:

1. Identify and define the problem. Start by asking the student, “What’s happening, and when does it occur?” The goal is to name the issue and recognize any patterns or triggers. Follow-up questions should further define the problem, identify specific behaviors linked to the issues, and guide the student in establishing a plan of action.
2. Understand the impact. The trusted adult tries to find out how this behavior impacts the student’s emotional or physical well-being. Ask questions such as “How does this make you feel?” or “What emotions come up when this happens?” By connecting the problem and the feelings, the trusted adult is helping the student deepen their understanding of the experience and how it negatively affects them.
3. Determine goals and establish realistic solutions. Here, the trusted adult helps the student identify how they want to solve the problem. The student’s initial goals might be unrealistic (making friends with a bully, for example), but the trusted adult can help guide the student to focus on a solution that provides immediate relief (e.g., avoiding areas where bullying occurs).
4. Implement the solutions. The trusted adult and student plan where, when, and how the student will implement their solutions, perhaps role-playing the solutions before taking action. This allows for final revisions of the plan.
5. Evaluate the plan. Finally, the student should evaluate their solution’s successes, failures, and possible future changes. At this juncture, the trusted adult should praise the student for their courage in asserting themself and taking a risk to improve their mental and emotional health.

Establishing Boundaries

Educators who serve as trusted adults in a school setting should set and maintain clear boundaries of professionalism to establish a sense of trust and safety. Balancing approachability and professional distance can be challenging, though. There are considerations to observe when establishing boundaries with students:

1. Define contact limits. From the beginning, trusted adults should outline acceptable forms of contact. For example, should communication be restricted to school hours, or is emergency contact after hours permissible? Communication outside of school hours can bolster support during a crisis, but it can also blur professional boundaries.
2. Define the type of contact. Clearly define how a student contacts a trusted adult. Can a student call a trusted adult’s cellphone during a crisis, or is communication strictly limited to school-sanctioned platforms such as email? As a best practice, keep social media off-limits.
3. Clarify confidentiality rules. What can the student expect to remain private, and what is the adult required to report? Trusted adults must explain that they are required to report information that pertains to the student’s safety or well-being.

Students who receive support from a trusted adult make healthier choices and endure less victimization. The potential impact on students’ mental and physical health, positive communication and interaction among students, and the students’ future post-graduation can’t be ignored.

Eric Landers is an associate professor of special education at Georgia Southern University.

Meredith A. Rausch is an associate professor in the College of Education and Human Development at Augusta University.