Nurturing Self-Discovery in Middle Schoolers

Why does middle school get such a bad rap? When people share stories about elementary or high school experiences, their emotions are generally positive, and they always have a favorite memory to share. Comments aren’t typically flattering when many adults and older students remember middle school. Why?

Don’t get me wrong. Middle school is tough. Kids are testing boundaries they have never tested before. Hormones. Let me say that again. Hormones. One moment, they seem to like you, and the next, they will give you a look like you are the dirt they walk on. Peers have more influence over kids’ decisions than adults. Kids’ bodies are physically changing at a rapid pace. Their foremost priority is to be accepted by their peers. They don’t remember anything. Peer relationships are tumultuous. Kids think they are adults and can make adult decisions, but they aren’t. Middle schoolers have very strong opinions of the world and aren’t hesitant to express them. Kids are self-focused and look at what’s around them with that perspective. They are figuring out who they are and who they want to be. The list could go on.

Building Blocks for Growth

However, if you take a moment to examine the characteristics that make middle school challenging, most of the reasons are tied to human development. The descriptions above are normal. Yes, normal.

A typical human goes through these changes during the age of middle school. This developmental stage is a building block for future growth and success. So, if this is normal, why does society place this doom and gloom over middle school and middle schoolers?

Addressing the Stigma

As a middle school principal, when I have discussions with parents, I find it interesting how many of them bring up negative experiences and emotions about middle school in our conversations.

Elizabeth Ainslie, journalist and author of “The Challenges of the Middle School Parent,” explains that “so many parents live in terror that their children will suffer as they did—or will inflict suffering on others as they did at the same age. Their memories of that time are so fresh and so powerful. The incidents they recount could have happened yesterday. All of which means that, when it comes to today’s middle schoolers—their own middle schoolers—past and present often converge.”

Emotions are contagious. If an adult is anxious about middle school, the middle schooler will feel that way, too.

A Strong Identity

How do we bring love back to middle school? We need to change our perspective of middle school. Instead of focusing on the challenges, focus on the positives. As kids explore who they are, it is an amazing experience to witness.

I had a student who had a particular sport run through his family’s veins. That sport is how he identified himself. As he began to experience others sports with friends and in physical education, he found a different type of joy in these experiences. In eighth grade, he played basketball for the first time and came into his own. He stood prouder. He was happier. He would be mortified if he heard me say this, but he blossomed.

In middle school, students want to be accepted and be like everyone else. With positive reinforcement from families and middle school staff, students step out of the ordinary to find their people and be who they want to be. We often say, “You be YOU!”

I had a conversation with a student who was making negative choices because she was trying to gain the attention of a few peers. We sat down together, and I asked her, “Who are you, and who do you want to be?” She created a diagram of who she was by indicating things that made her happy, sad, and mad. She identified things that she loved to do and things that she didn’t. She put who she was on paper. She took that paper with her to give her an anchor of who she was. Now, she will change as we all do overtime. However, at that moment, she was able to put aside everyone else and focus on who she was and wanted to be.

Empowered Students

Middle school students have strong opinions and want to express them. Let’s listen to them and empower them to share their voice appropriately to make change.

A student had an idea of a condiment cart at lunch. To add a variety of different condiments that typically aren’t provided. One of his favorites was hot sauce, of course. I listened to him. I asked him some questions to which he responded thoughtfully. My response to him was, “Well, let’s do it. How can I help?” He said that he would take the first steps and then get back to me when he had decided on the condiments. Off he went.

We need to take some time to look at the challenges that can occur in middle school from a different perspective, and you’ll see that those challenges are gifts of this stage of human development. To sum it up, I think Ainslie shares it perfectly, “Making sense of middle school means coming to terms with how we become who we are.” BOOM! Mic drop!

Katy Kennedy is principal of Washington Middle School in Glendive, Montana.